The feeling of definiteness..

Being a generally don't-carish person, I never really followed an organised, routine, well defined life style. To me, it was like being the most boring person in the world. I believed more in the spontaneity and the thrills of the moment. My years in this place, however boring and irritating as it was (and remains to be), has helped me find a new angle in myself. Being surrounded by totally narrow-minded and in-the-box people, has made me feel so lucky as to have felt what its like living outside the box. But nowadays, I wonder if the influence is getting on to me. Three years in one place is good enough time to affect any one's life. I think maybe now I am more of a border person. Is that a good thing? I have no idea. But it could be the balance that might help me survive here. Every situation in nature requires a balance, an equilibrium, I might say, if I were to prefer technical terms.

I owe it to a few people over here and all of my friends from school days that still help me maintain my out-of-the box self, while the majority of the remainder here, forces me to restrict my thoughts and totally wacky, crazy, insane, wild behaviour and style. This balance, I must say, is a different experience. And not many people can stay in this balance. Most people I've seen, including people I've known all my life, either just go on with the system here (which really bothers me) or just find it totally hard to adapt (I totally understand what they've been through). The friends from here who've helped, they are truly wonderful. To have been living in this atmosphere for all their life and being able to see out-of-the-box, that's amazing. Well, it might not be the impossible, nothing really is anymore, is it? In this century where we've brought everything to our fingertips, anything is possible. But in either case, hats off to them for being the way they are.

I guess what I'm really trying to say is despite the shortcoming of this place and its people, and also the fact that I was a totally impossible character, I want to thank all of you for helping me see the line of definiteness in my life. But since its me, obviously that line would never be a straight one, lol. Its not crooked either, though. Its more of a curve, I guess. Anyway, that's my life and I love you guys for being you!

Cheers,
Maryann..
:D

It hurts,
To see everything
Yet not feel it.
It kills,
To know that I can
Yet be restricted.
The struggle is hard,
Yet so easy.
I want to remain calm,
Yet scream out loud.

Is the world conspiring?
Am I losing out?
But no, I know this for sure
I’m not crazy
My reality is just different:
“The skies are blue
The birds sing sweetly
Friends all around-close and dear
Living the life on my own
Being independent”

It is a warm feeling,
To know you can and be there
To reach out and feel what want to
To wish for and make it happen.
I promise myself this,
I will get there
One day, for sure;
To live the life I dreamt.

The Independence Day

Step outside and look around you today. Do you see little Indian flags all around the place? Do you see decorations in the colours of our national flag? Do you see people talking of the great freedom fighters? Do you see documentaries of India's great fight for freedom? Do you see people celebrating their country's freedom? Do you see politicians honouring the people who led India through her struggle? Do you hear them talking of the great deeds that were done and how we must strive hard to work our way through all trying and tough times? And all this only on August 15? What happens to all these emotions after the stroke of midnight on the August 15? Do they just disappear? Does it suddenly die inside the people?

I am reminded of excerpt from the book "India Past & Present" by Prakash Chander.

Early in 1947, Mahatma Gandhi met Lord Bevin, the personal emissary of British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, in Delhi. Bevin is reported to have told the great man, '18 languages, 500 dialects, some 30 religions, a million Gods and Goddesses, 300 million individuals, an infinity of castes and sub castes and population (that is) practically illiterate and half of which are beggars or thieves...Good luck, sir! Such a nation is ungovernable! It'd take you centuries to get anywhere!'. Gandhiji wrapped his large, white shawl a little more closely around him, and modestly replied, 'India has an eternity before her..'

It may definitely not be an eternity since then but 62 long years have passed. Where does India lie today? What is the attitude of the Indians today? Back in 1947, when India did attain her freedom from tyrannous British Raj, the entire country stood together as one and rejoiced and basked in all its rich diverse glory. If all this was attained under the leadership of one simple and generous man, the Mahatma, who is still revered in our hearts, how is it that still more than half of our population does not abide by the principles set forth by him. Correct me if I am wrong, but isn't it like throwing dirt on the person when we say that we respect and honour him and not follow/at least try to follow his example? Even while reaching out to people using documentaries and movies, are those feeling being practised in everyday life? All this colour and euphoria on this particular day alone is not going to get India to reach heights. The feeling of independence and the love for our country should be felt through every second of every single day. The want for our country to reach the top and to maintain its position there, we must all join hands together. We are still clinging on to the fact that India has developed a lot since her freedom. But is that enough? Aren't we, as the current generation, responsible for its further development? India may have been the fastest developing country since 1947, but she still hasn't joined the list of developed countries. With the current potential of our country's youth, and a change in the attitudes of the general population of Indians all over, India can definitely leave her mark forever.

I end this note hoping that each of us will come together and encourage one another to help in the progress of our country in the international level. Let this emotion that we share on every Independence day be with us through everyday so that the tricolour flag of our nation will fly high forever and ever more...

Reminiscing...

Kathleen had a lot going on in her mind. In a couple of months she would end her teen years. It would finally be a past phase. She thought back to the eve of her 13th birthday. The little child inside of her had fancied it to be something huge. Thirteen. The start of teenage life. The years of great excitement and fun. She had laid awake well past into midnight thinking of all the wonderful things that would happen. In her mind she drew up colourful images of what her life would be. She felt it was an important phase of her life. She imagined of all the new friends, new grades, new places, new attitudes and new changes that would happen. Finally after she fell asleep, she dreamt dreams that were far too pleasant. It was to be the start of the most perfect and important phase of her life. During this new year, she was excited at the slightest of changes that took place. She twittered and fluttered around like a little butterfly. After the initial excitement died away, she came to realise that being a teenager was no fairy-tale like experience. It had its thrills and disappointments. It was just another year in your life where you could learn new things and mould yourself to being a responsible and caring adult. During these years, she learned a lot about trust, love and friendship. Apart from her academics, she was also active in the sports field and other extra curricular activities.

Now, looking back, she realised that every single person that she had come across had taught her a valuable lesson however small it maybe. During these last few months of her teenage, she realised that these years were the years that actually developed the person inside of you. Till the age of 10 or 11, most things we do are because of our inquistive nature and curiosity of the unfamiliar surroundings. By the age of 13, we come around to understanding most things around us. By 17, we "think" we are completely ready to handle life on our own and finally when we turn 19 years old, we realise and understand what those advices we received actually meant. This is when it dawns upon us that we have matured into grown ups. Kathleen felt she was treading her feet along this path now. Although her teen years didn't turn out exactly as she had imagined it to be, she knows she has come a long way from being that wishful little child on the bed of her thirteenth birthday.

And as the "twenties" call out to her, she keeps reflecting on her life so far...

Dreams..

A very dear friend once told me,

"Keep your dreams in your pocket not your head...so you can take it out when the time appears.."

Not my best day

this really pathetic thing happened at class..it disturbed be soo much i was writing in the middle of a usually very interesting hour..

T'was a day, dark and cloudy
An unpleasant aura spread.
No matter what I thought or did,
Could make my day better than the dead.
Alas! If only the hidden rainbow
Would come out and shine only for me
And then a life without pain
'Tis all but a foolish dream!

One crazy night

one crazy night i was up till 3 a.m. writing this...! check it out...

Mysterious ways of life

The eerie tune of nature

Dancing flames with a mischievous grin

A lonesome silhouette in the desert,

Seeking shelter from the harsh weather,

Came across an unusual sight

Two doves on an olive branch

Symbols of peace and love

And as it spread hope

To our melancholy wanderer

The sun went down and darkness crept in.

A night so dark, so silent & treacherous

Distant cries of a restless flock

No one to comfort, no one to guide

All was consumed by the dull sky

And the stench of fear hung in the air

Enveloped by darkness and strange sounds,

The lonesome silhouette fell to its knees

With a silent prayer to the God above.

Then suddenly, the earth shook

With all its might

And the sky began to pour down.

The floor around the wanderer

Gave way for something beneath

And the music from a qin

Echoed through the night.

Creatures of unknown origins and size

Could be felt all around

Crawling, slithering and creeping about.

This was a night, never to be forgotten

An event to be read and feared in future

The lonesome person on this deserted land

Could take no more and lost all faith

As he felt the beast moving toward him

Inhaling deeply

The wanderer collapsed

And all was silent and still

No sound was heard

But the beast still moved on the earth

Spreading fear and doubt all through

And suddenly- a flash!

A flash of lightening,

Followed by the sound of a trumpet

‘Behold he comes!

Riding on the clouds

Shining like the sun’

The beast hid from the light

But its radiance was so intense

That it was seven times’ the sun

And before its glamour

All that was evil blew into smithereens

And from the light walked a man

- The Savior

He knelt beside our dear wanderer,

Restored his soul

And all was well.